I have been through many loved ones passing away in my 35 years. I can’t really compare them all because each one rips my heart out. On one hand I am sad because they are gone. On the other hand, I am at peace because they are in Heaven. I have lost babies, pregnancies, 2 brothers, grandparents, in-laws, cousins, an uncle, an aunt, & high school classmates. I have been through the shock, the sadness, and the acceptance. So how come today feels a little different when I find out that my husband’s cousin passed away? It was a total shock. I didn’t think it was true and still don’t. We weren’t super close nor did we talk much. We were more “Facebook friends” than cousins through marriage. I saw him two to three times a year. So why I am I experiencing a heavy heart? Is it because he really was not that much older than my husband? Is it because he lived alone and died of a heart attack while at home? Is it because no one found him for a while? Is it because it happened around Thanksgiving time and we are just finding out? Is it because I know all too well that one day we are here and the next we are not? Or is it a combination of all of that? Whatever the reason, I am saddened by the news. He was the first one every year at Christmas time to send us a Christmas card. We’d always receive his Christmas card the first few days of December. I wondered a week ago why we didn’t receive his card. I thought it was strange that there was no Christmas card from him yet. I really don’t know why it takes so many deaths for me to realize that one day we are here and the next we are not. I don’t know why it takes so many deaths for me to realize that if I don’t go after my dreams today, I may not get the chance tomorrow. Let this be another lesson to me to enjoy the moment, go after my dreams, and tell loved ones that I love them.