The Years Are Slipping By

I see the hours go by faster and faster. The days and weeks fly by and there is nothing I can do about it. I turn the calendar months over so fast that it makes me wonder where the month has gone. Another year approaching the end. Didn’t I just buy a 2014 calendar? Didn’t I just celebrate the new year? Didn’t I just say 2014 is going to be the year? The year to do what? I don’t remember. Another year is almost gone and I don’t remember what I wanted to accomplish.

In a few months, I will be another year older. In a few years I will be 40. I see it up a head. It is there, waiting for me. I still feel like I am in my 20’s. I remember my hopes and wants when I was younger. What happened to them? Did I brush them aside? Did they disappear? Did I give up on them? I never truly knew what I wanted to do with my life career wise. Not in high school, not in college, and sadly, not now. I never was one of those lucky people who know right away what career path and life path to take.  In reality, how many of us do?

As another year goes by, calendar year and biological year, I see my motivation slipping by. I am slipping down a slippery slope that I can’t get myself out of. It is like drowning in quick sand, only mentally. I am being swept out to sea and not able to swim back. Some days I make a little progress towards shore, some days I tread water, and other days I am being swept back out to sea. I sometimes wish I could start over. Maybe go back to my niece or nephew’s age and start all over. Other times, I wonder what drugs I am on to be thinking that!

All in all, I am doing the best I can, at the moment, with the life I have been dealt. My son should be approaching 13 years old. I can’t even imagine a teenager in the house. My daughter would be approaching 11 years old. She’d be giving me the hard time I gave my parents. I can’t even imagine myself a parent to a 13 and 11 year old. Did my dreams die with them? They must have. That is where they went. They are gone. I see them out there in the distance, but they are unreachable. Maybe, just maybe, one year when I say, “This will be the year….”, it actually will be.

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Childhood Days

 

It’s 8am and I hear singing off in the distance. I just finished my shower and getting dressed and this faint singing is not coming from my house! I look outside to find my little neighbor girl on her swing set singing. She just finished the third grade and she is starting her summer break. How many almost fourth graders are outside playing and singing on their first days of summer break at 8am? This brought not only a smile to my face, but a thought into my head. How nice would it be to go back to those days? To go back to those care-free, no worry days and just be happy!

My first memories started forming in kindergarten. I can’t remember much before my first days of kindergarten. I remember my elementary school days being the happiest. My only responsibility was to get up, go to school, and come home to do any homework I had. Other than that, I was a kid with little responsibility and very little worries. All I had to do was be a kid!

Then junior high starts and this is where it all begins. Cliques start to form, peer pressure starts, and attitudes begin to take shape. The care-free life I once knew was gone and I was still only a kid. How fast those worry free days go. Those days slipped between my fingers and disappeared even before I knew they were there.

High school starts and ends. Before I know it, I’m off to college. It wasn’t until I was in college until I began to think back to my childhood days and miss them. Responsibilities grow and I am not a child anymore, but an adult. As much as I wanted to at times, it was difficult be in the childhood mindset as I grew older. Things change. We change. The world changes. My future begins to form and my life takes shape. With that comes duties, worries, and things to do. I start to wonder where my childhood went.

Fast forward life to many years down the road to this morning when I heard my little neighbor girl sing and play outside so early in the morning. It brings back good memories of my childhood, but also makes me wonder why I can’t have that back. I believe we all can take a lesson from a child and have our childhood back, if only for a little while. As adults, we need to let go from time time, stop taking life too seriously, have some fun and play more. Forget about responsibilities and worries. Learn to go back to those childhood days. Don’t let your children grow up too fast. My two nephews and one niece are growing like weeds and not only does that mean I am getting old, but their childhood days will be gone before they even know they had them!