The Years Are Slipping By

I see the hours go by faster and faster. The days and weeks fly by and there is nothing I can do about it. I turn the calendar months over so fast that it makes me wonder where the month has gone. Another year approaching the end. Didn’t I just buy a 2014 calendar? Didn’t I just celebrate the new year? Didn’t I just say 2014 is going to be the year? The year to do what? I don’t remember. Another year is almost gone and I don’t remember what I wanted to accomplish.

In a few months, I will be another year older. In a few years I will be 40. I see it up a head. It is there, waiting for me. I still feel like I am in my 20’s. I remember my hopes and wants when I was younger. What happened to them? Did I brush them aside? Did they disappear? Did I give up on them? I never truly knew what I wanted to do with my life career wise. Not in high school, not in college, and sadly, not now. I never was one of those lucky people who know right away what career path and life path to take.  In reality, how many of us do?

As another year goes by, calendar year and biological year, I see my motivation slipping by. I am slipping down a slippery slope that I can’t get myself out of. It is like drowning in quick sand, only mentally. I am being swept out to sea and not able to swim back. Some days I make a little progress towards shore, some days I tread water, and other days I am being swept back out to sea. I sometimes wish I could start over. Maybe go back to my niece or nephew’s age and start all over. Other times, I wonder what drugs I am on to be thinking that!

All in all, I am doing the best I can, at the moment, with the life I have been dealt. My son should be approaching 13 years old. I can’t even imagine a teenager in the house. My daughter would be approaching 11 years old. She’d be giving me the hard time I gave my parents. I can’t even imagine myself a parent to a 13 and 11 year old. Did my dreams die with them? They must have. That is where they went. They are gone. I see them out there in the distance, but they are unreachable. Maybe, just maybe, one year when I say, “This will be the year….”, it actually will be.

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Don’t Compare Yourself To Others

Each experience we go through changes us. Each situation, good & bad, shapes us. Little by little we learn something from life’s challenges. We don’t learn it all at once. It takes time. It can take months, years, or a lifetime. It takes many lessons through life to get to the point of patience, acceptance, tolerance, listening, and asking for help. We don’t even have to go through the experience ourselves; Just watching someone else go through it, we should recognize a light bulb go on in our minds. We should be able to learn from any situation whether we ourselves go through it or not. It really doesn’t have to be a hard lesson to learn; it can be minor. If we keep our eyes open, we will learn from any good or bad situation, or we will be presented with it again.

Acceptance is a big lesson for me personally. I will never be a millionaire, live in Hawaii, have a huge house, or that perfect job. I compare myself to my family, friends, and to people I have never met. It’s hard not to. I feel I should be at a certain point in my life, or have accomplished this and that, and I am not and I don’t. I could have worked harder. I could have pushed myself more. I could have accomplished more. I also know there are others out there wishing they were in my shoes.

With the help of God, family, and friends, we fight our own battles. We have our responsibilities, problems, accomplishments, and failures. We should not compare ourselves to others. We are all different. We all learn at our own pace. We go through different challenges and sometimes the same challenges, which affect us all differently. We are all built and made different from each other. Accept it. Tolerate it. Have patience. Don’t compare yourself to others. It will get you nowhere.

Spring Cleaning My Life

SpringCleaningAfter many long months of the cold weather as well as blowing and falling snow, spring is finally here. There are still times in which the weather does not feel like it is spring, but according to the calendar, spring is here. It was a very long winter for most of us, especially me. I am not a fan of winter. I don’t even like to leave my house unless I have to when it is so cold. It is very difficult for me to do certain things in the winter time. I have to push myself to do things and I don’t like that trait about myself. Thankfully that is over with for a while. Now that the nicer weather is here, I am ready for some sprucing up and spring cleaning. That not only includes my house, but my life too as well.

I am at a point in my life where I feel just about every area needs a major overhaul and quickly. I am my worst critic, my own worst enemy, and can be my best friend all wrapped into one. I can be my own patient and a therapist at the same time. I can be own coach and player at the same time. Well, you get the picture! When I want something done, I want it done now. If I get something in my head that I want done or improved, I can’t let it go until it is done or I at least started it. However, there are many projects around the house that I don’t care about. Just ask my husband and extended family! How about that wallpaper in our bedroom that I started to take down 2 years ago and it is still not done? I bet 90% of people in my life forgot about that! How about the basement my husband and I said we’d begin to finish? Well, we haven’t even started it! What about putting up pictures on the walls of our house that we moved into 2 and a half years ago? Well, we haven’t got to it! The older I get, the more I realize that is not really important. To some it is. To me, it is not. There are more important things in life than that.

Spiritually and religiously, my life needs an improvement. I have always been more of a spiritual person than a religious person. I will always be that way. However, even that area has slipped away from me. It is time for me to get back to basics. For me, going to church and reading the Bible is very peaceful. It makes me feel better and brings peace to my soul. So why don’t I make time for something that brings me peace? Why don’t I do this on a regular basis? This to me is more important than taking wallpaper down in my bedroom. Scheduling time for spiritual activities is something I want to start doing and need to start doing.

I am a fairly healthy person with a few minor issues. I go to the dentist and doctor on a regular basis and everything is always normal. I have no major issues. I make sure and do some form of exercise every day. I either do some housework, yard work, running, riding my bike, or walking every day unless something gets in the way. A vacation can mess up my exercise schedule. The holidays and being sick can as well. When this happens, it is very difficult for me to get back into exercise. I have to really push myself back into my routine. Same thing with healthy eating habits. I have fairly healthy eating habits, but a day or two a week I don’t do so well. Okay, some weeks it is more than that! Even though I am a fairly healthy person, I feel my health needs a little bit of an overhaul as well.

My career is another area I am struggling with. Currently, this is my biggest struggle. I used to live near Lake Michigan, which is two hours west of where I am now. I had a great part time job that I loved. I didn’t want to give it up when I moved. I was forced to move for my husband’s job. For a while I thought about keeping the job since it was pretty much on my own schedule, but I realized it just wouldn’t work. I had to give it up. Without going into a long story, I have been in and out of two jobs of where I live now. Things happen and my career life is the pits. This is the area where I feel I have a lot to offer, but I am currently in a hole the size of our planet and I can’t get myself out. This has brought the most pain and depression to my life. This area of my life needs a huge improvement.

Everyone has area’s of their life that they want improved. For me, it is just about every single area and I want it improved now! There are times I have patience and other times I do not. I want to wake up tomorrow with every area of my life fixed and improved. However, it doesn’t work that way. That brings me to spring cleaning my life. It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. I sat my husband down and talked with him about what is going on with me. That was step number one. I checked out some books from the library on self improvement. That was step number two. I love books and could have my nose shoved in a book 24/7. I then sat myself down and started to think about what I want out of life. That was step number three. Keeping a journal, or in my case multiple journals for multiple area’s of my life, was step number four. I put all of that together and hopefully I can de-clutter my life. I want the cob webs out of my life and my feet back on the ground. In time, I will succeed.

 

 

My Life’s Path

Yesterday I was sitting at my breakfast nook table looking out my window at the cold and snow. I was drinking a cup of hot, herbal tea and pondering my life. I have always been so concerned with not working in the traditional sense and bringing in an income. I feel I am not contributing to society. Regardless of the volunteer I work do with my local Humane Society and with my local Lions Club, I still feel it is not enough. I have many interests. However, not enough ambition. I want to contribute to society more and help more people. At the same time, I have no interest in working on another person’s time. I have this strong desire to work my own schedule. I will always be working for someone else. Working for someone else is not the issue. Whether my writing takes off or not, I will be working for someone else. As selfish as this sounds, I want to contribute to society more and help more people, but on my own time and my own work schedule.  I don’t care what everyone else does. I am concerned with me and my career life.

As I sat there looking out the window, a thought came to me that I am on the right path for my own life. I need to stop worrying about not working in the traditional sense, stop worrying what others think of me and go for what I want. I am on the right path for me. I am on the right path for my life. I believe all of my life experiences have shaped me to who I am today. They have shaped my interests and change my life course. In 35 years I have been through a lot. I have been through more than what most people think. I believe I am putting too much pressure on certain area’s of my life and not enough pressure on other parts. I am putting too much pressure on being someone I do not want to be and not enough pressure on being the person who I want to be. I need to let go of the stereotypes I put on myself and the stereotypes society puts on me. My life will work out if I I let certain things go and accept I am who I am.

I do not think I am alone when it comes to battling with what we want to do with our lives versus what society thinks we should do with our lives. I am here to tell you that we all need to let go of that. We need to go after what we want, not what society, our friends, family, or neighbors think we should be doing. I believe I am on the right path. I need to stop searching for my life’s purpose because I found it. I just need more ambition, more drive, and more confidence to go after it. What would this world be like if we all went after what we want instead of doing what society thinks we should be doing? Find your purpose. Find your ambition. What is that you want out of life? Stop worrying about all the “what if’s?” and let go of all that. It is time for not only me, but all of us to get out of our comfort zone and go after what we want!

A New Year

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I say this every new year and I will say it again…where did the previous year go? Where did the last two years go? It seems like the older I get, time goes by faster. Is that a requirement as we age? Just like the older I get, the slower I drive, the bigger my purse gets, and I can no longer stay up late like I used to. Every year seems to go by faster and faster and every year I think of New Years resolutions. Most people don’t stick with them and give up shortly after making them, myself included. Once again, I have made New Year resolutions, but don’t really think of them as that. I think of them as “self improvements.”

For the last two years, I have been stuck in a rut so to speak. Some people are thinking, “really? Two years? And you haven’t done anything about it?” Well, like I previously said, time goes by fast. We fall into the same pattern every year and go about our daily life and don’t really think. We do the things that must be done and put up with the things that need to be changed or worked on.  Over the holiday break, it came to me that I don’t want to be 10 years older and still stuck in that rut. I feel like I have wasted the majority of the last two years of my life. I think back and haven’t really accomplished anything. My close friends and family may say differently. However, this is how I see not only the last 2 years of my life, but the majority of my whole life.

So after it finally hit me that I don’t want to feel this way 10 years from now, or even one year from now, I wrote down “self improvements” that I want to work on. They are in no particular order of importance. I just wrote down what I felt I wanted to change or work on regarding myself and my life.

1. Make my marriage stronger

2. Drink alcohol less

3. Eat healthier

4. Exercise more

5. Worry less

6. Find my career path (which I still believe is writing) and work towards it

7. Volunteer more

8. Not only write more, but also attend a writing group meeting

I don’t think of these as New Years resolutions, but things that I want to work on. If people think differently, in a more positive way, I believe we would accomplish more. I don’t want to go through the last half of my life, or how many years I have left on this Earth, and still feel the way I do. What I want is for 2014 to be better than 2012 & 2013 put together. I only know one way to do that and that is for me to make some changes and improvements. No one else can do that for me. My happiness is in my hands and my hands only. So those of you who are relying on other people for your own happiness and those of you who put up with the things that pull you down and depress you, there is no time like now to make a positive change. Make 2014 your year!