The Years Are Slipping By

I see the hours go by faster and faster. The days and weeks fly by and there is nothing I can do about it. I turn the calendar months over so fast that it makes me wonder where the month has gone. Another year approaching the end. Didn’t I just buy a 2014 calendar? Didn’t I just celebrate the new year? Didn’t I just say 2014 is going to be the year? The year to do what? I don’t remember. Another year is almost gone and I don’t remember what I wanted to accomplish.

In a few months, I will be another year older. In a few years I will be 40. I see it up a head. It is there, waiting for me. I still feel like I am in my 20’s. I remember my hopes and wants when I was younger. What happened to them? Did I brush them aside? Did they disappear? Did I give up on them? I never truly knew what I wanted to do with my life career wise. Not in high school, not in college, and sadly, not now. I never was one of those lucky people who know right away what career path and life path to take.  In reality, how many of us do?

As another year goes by, calendar year and biological year, I see my motivation slipping by. I am slipping down a slippery slope that I can’t get myself out of. It is like drowning in quick sand, only mentally. I am being swept out to sea and not able to swim back. Some days I make a little progress towards shore, some days I tread water, and other days I am being swept back out to sea. I sometimes wish I could start over. Maybe go back to my niece or nephew’s age and start all over. Other times, I wonder what drugs I am on to be thinking that!

All in all, I am doing the best I can, at the moment, with the life I have been dealt. My son should be approaching 13 years old. I can’t even imagine a teenager in the house. My daughter would be approaching 11 years old. She’d be giving me the hard time I gave my parents. I can’t even imagine myself a parent to a 13 and 11 year old. Did my dreams die with them? They must have. That is where they went. They are gone. I see them out there in the distance, but they are unreachable. Maybe, just maybe, one year when I say, “This will be the year….”, it actually will be.

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Goals

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Goals

I came across this today while I was searching for inspiration regarding blog topics. I had multiple topics picked out, multiple quotes ready to blog about, but I wasn’t able to type anything. I had a blank look on my face and eventually logged out only to log back in.

Goals. I have never been one to set them, but maybe I should. I would probably achieve more and be more productive. I always have good intentions to start out with regarding a new goal and then I eventually stall out. Either it is not that important to me after all, I give up out of frustration, or I procrastinate and forget what I was working towards. The goals that stick with me, however, are the ones that matter. They are the ones that are in my head and in my heart. I don’t need to write them down to remember them and work towards them. My feet follow because my heart and head are in the lead. A near year and for me, a fresh start. Here’s to working harder towards what you want out of life. Life is way too short, so don’t take it for granted.

A New Year

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I say this every new year and I will say it again…where did the previous year go? Where did the last two years go? It seems like the older I get, time goes by faster. Is that a requirement as we age? Just like the older I get, the slower I drive, the bigger my purse gets, and I can no longer stay up late like I used to. Every year seems to go by faster and faster and every year I think of New Years resolutions. Most people don’t stick with them and give up shortly after making them, myself included. Once again, I have made New Year resolutions, but don’t really think of them as that. I think of them as “self improvements.”

For the last two years, I have been stuck in a rut so to speak. Some people are thinking, “really? Two years? And you haven’t done anything about it?” Well, like I previously said, time goes by fast. We fall into the same pattern every year and go about our daily life and don’t really think. We do the things that must be done and put up with the things that need to be changed or worked on.  Over the holiday break, it came to me that I don’t want to be 10 years older and still stuck in that rut. I feel like I have wasted the majority of the last two years of my life. I think back and haven’t really accomplished anything. My close friends and family may say differently. However, this is how I see not only the last 2 years of my life, but the majority of my whole life.

So after it finally hit me that I don’t want to feel this way 10 years from now, or even one year from now, I wrote down “self improvements” that I want to work on. They are in no particular order of importance. I just wrote down what I felt I wanted to change or work on regarding myself and my life.

1. Make my marriage stronger

2. Drink alcohol less

3. Eat healthier

4. Exercise more

5. Worry less

6. Find my career path (which I still believe is writing) and work towards it

7. Volunteer more

8. Not only write more, but also attend a writing group meeting

I don’t think of these as New Years resolutions, but things that I want to work on. If people think differently, in a more positive way, I believe we would accomplish more. I don’t want to go through the last half of my life, or how many years I have left on this Earth, and still feel the way I do. What I want is for 2014 to be better than 2012 & 2013 put together. I only know one way to do that and that is for me to make some changes and improvements. No one else can do that for me. My happiness is in my hands and my hands only. So those of you who are relying on other people for your own happiness and those of you who put up with the things that pull you down and depress you, there is no time like now to make a positive change. Make 2014 your year!